Cristiano Ronaldo in the mixed zone after winning the Champions League:Cristiano: Ramos’ season? Well, the truth is Sergio has made a motherfucking incredible year.*laughter from the journalists*Cristiano: “Motherfucking” can be said, right? *laughs*
breaking news: FIFA has just announced that Tim Howard wins the World Cup. he just wins. everyone else go home. congrats Tim.
IT’S HORRIBLE ISN’T IT???? I WISH I COULD TELL YOU. Here’s what you do: now you lie awake at night wondering “Is adult millionaire professional athlete Cristiano Ronaldo okay? How is his knee? How are his anxieties? Is someone making him laugh? Has he talked to his girlfriend, supermodel Irina Shayk, recently? How is their relationship? I hope the distance isn’t putting too much strain on it. Is he eating enough? Is he beating himself up about things that WEREN’T his FAULT?????? Is he giving himself a FUCKING BREAK????? Dear Lord, please let mega-celebrity Cristiano Ronaldo be giving himself a FUCKING BREAK and feeling peaceful and comfortable right now, Amen.” People who don’t know much about soccer make some throwaway joke about Oh Cristiano Ronaldo, Isn’t He That Tan Asshole and your spine cracks involuntarily and hair sprouts from your knuckles and you roar SHUT YOUR MOUTH!!!!!, muffledly, through the giant teeth that now crowd your mouth because you turned into a bear. That’s your life. You’re a bear now.
Diego Costa waxing Xabi Alonso during Australia vs. Spain in the World Cup
Xabi’s expression in the right-hand gif is my reaction to this entire thing.
Hola, querida. It is I, professional footballer Xabi Alonso, of your love the servant most devoted. For many days now I am ponder on the future. I have try, mi vida, I have try tan duro to let you go: to find for you a man more worthy, and then gracefully to retreat.
But it cannot be. I…
It has been a day of the most discouraging, querida. Please, to comfort me in your strong and yet feminine arms.